“Coming to Terms with the Monster”

Many of you reading this know I lost another dog to canine cancer on Friday.   This was an insidious monster, it is thought of as this by vets because it is a silent killer   It lurks without warnings, waiting for the moment of attack, when the tumor bursts and bleeds out into the dog’s system, causing catastrophic loss of blood.

it happened to my Bailey.   Bailey had gone blind with glaucoma a few weeks earlier, but was adjusting beautifully.    He seemed happy again, and we looked forward to many more years together,  Then, suddenly, Bailey collapsed.

The vet took x-rays, ultrasound………a massive tumor of the spleen…an area so rich in blood vessels, it was the perfect nourishing ground………it had spread to his liver and his kidneys had begun to go into failure.   The only thing to do was a decision with no time to ponder……..in an instant, he was gone.

I have been crying and trying to come to terms with this monster again, no stranger in my house.   In the past couple of years, I have lost two other dogs to various forms of it.   I even wrote a book about my journey through grief.

I have been calling it the worst monster……..but perhaps, I am wrong.   Bailey was Bailey up until the final hours……he ate that day, rested peacefully in comfort, shared snacks with my grandson and walked outside unhindered by his blindness.

There were no months of chemo and sickness; there were no days of force fed syringe feeding when appetite disappeared.   There were no pills to fight a battle in swallowing   There were no months of fear for me; there were no mornings of wondering what awaited when I walked down the stairs.   Perhaps this monster was being kind; not kind in taking him away, but kind in doing it so quickly and quietly.

I have spent most of my life feeling death……taking care of elderly and ill animals in my home and in my work as a Reiki Master and Animal Intuitive.  Each death teaches me more, enables me to understand more.

I have come to terms with this one.   It was a good death.   Isn’t that something we all hope for……..not the lingering and suffering that some monsters bring.   This monster had a kindness in his heart that spared the prolonged suffering of mine.

In this world of so many monsters……….we will all meet ours.   Might we all find a benevolent one.



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“Remembrance of my friend” For all those who knew Janet Bucklew

It’s 2 am……..I cannot sleep, I thought I had escaped a winter cold, but alas, it has visited me.    So what does a writer do when she cannot sleep.   She writes, it’s usually these middle of the night writings that are the most important to me.   They say the soul speaks to you around 3 am…..tonight, mine chatted a bit early.

In several days, March 11th to be precise, it will be my dear friend JBee’s birthday.   I can’t gift her a present or mail her a card; she crossed into spirit a few years ago.   She had ALS and just thinking of her suffering makes my runny nose and eyes a trivial point of discussion.

JBee and I didn’t have the good fortune of growing up together…..we were old friends in the sense of souls…..We squeezed a deep friendship into years, not decades.

When we first met, JBee was a bit scared of me…..not unusual, a lot of people are.   Then, she took a leap of faith, feeling the same connection I had felt and we became friends.  I didn’t share much mediumship information with her in the beginning.   Then, her father and mother crossed.   I think the things I was able to tell her comforted, not frightened her.  I told her that her dad was greeted by an old friend from the service……Harold was his name.   JBee looked surprised, after all, this wasn’t pulling a J or M out of the air, I actually told her his name, and she remembered him.   After her mother crossed, I mentioned always seeing the shadow of a brother in every picture she posted on Facebook.  She had a brother, he died as a baby.   I told her he was now a tall, grown man and he was waiting for her mother.  I hadn’t known, I don’t think many people did.

I lied to myself a long time about JBee’s diagnosis.   I thought it would take time; we always think there is a lot of time.   Then, at our last visit, she handed me a tote bag with an apron she had hand sewn inside.   The look that passed from her eyes into mine spoke as many words as this page.   She was giving it to me for remembrance.

JBee, Janet, her given name  (I called her JBee because she had just undertaken the adventure of raising her own bee hives)…..used to come around a lot more.   Now she doesn’t as often.   That is the way it should be; it tells me she is happy where she is.  There aren’t many people I wish to see waiting at the tunnel light or bridge for me; my heart’s wish is for the many, many animals to crowd on those stairs……..But Janet, I hope you squeeze in between them   🙂

JBee loved John Denver….her memorial funeral cards showed an eagle on the front.   Somewhere, she is soaring over rocky cathedrals…….maybe looking down every so often on her friend.  Funny, I had a bad cold the day of her funeral service….now here I sit, with memories in the quiet, early morning.

I don’t just remember you on your birthday…….I remember you always  …….


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“Ghost Tales” from the Paranormal Convention on Saturday

p1140502Saturday in Gettysburg, was ParAmeriCon……a convention focusing on the various talents of women in the paranormal field.   Pictured above is me with my friend and fellow medium Cat.   A lot of spirits wandered around the 1863 Inn.   One nasty one, in particular, sought to use me as his electrical outlet.   I felt a surge of energy surround me like a cloak.   My friend Cat tried to intervene but was forcefully told to “butt out.”   I am still drained from that experience.   The best way to explain it to someone is “it is as if you have come down with the flu.”…….drained, cold, achy…….not pleasant.    The only other time I have felt such intense energy trying to come over my own being was at the Tillie Pierce House in Gettysburg years ago.   That was not pleasant either……and the time intense loving energy surrounded me in Ireland, when the spirit of a dear friend crossed across the sea.

After the convention, I invited Cat back to my farmhouse.   We wandered about, me seeing if she sensed the same “residents” I felt.   Mediums perceive energy in different ways; two mediums can be in the same room and feel different things, so I was curious to see what Cat picked up.  As it turns out, there is quite a party of spirits at my place.

Cat met a charming, handsome young Confederate soldier.   The song, The Old Grey Mare” played in her head.   She asked for his name, he told her it started with M.  She said he had a crooked lip like Elvis.   This is ironic, since I named my Irish Wolfhound Aura Lea.   Aura Lea is a Civil War love song.  Elvis’ hit Love me Tender uses the melody of Aura Lea.   Look it up on Youtube, it is quite a lovely song in both eras.  I felt  Martin was his name, to which he agreed.  Cat asked him several questions, where he was born, etc.  He made a very interesting remark about a General at Gettysburg who shall remain nameless, calling him a jackass the moment I mentioned his name.   He mentioned he had a hole in his pants   (probably saw me knitting at the farmhouse and wanted me to help)   He also told Cat he had dusty boots.  He evidently was quite a ladies’ man and appearance held quite importance with him.  Cat told him much as I would like, I couldn’t help out with the pants or the boots.    He showed her horse related equipment……bridle, saddle…etc. …….. He said I had something he could “relate to” in her words at my farmhouse.   Now, I love horses…….I have paintings, rocking horses, statues…….various things around the place.   But Cat said no…..it must be an artifact, something from his time.   I had no horse related artifact at the farmhouse.   Refusing to give further information, Martin said he would tell me, not her later.   Okay.   He told my friend he was visiting and drifted off.

Drifting off is something I had difficulty in doing that night……..extremely restless sleep …..partly because of the after effects of paranormal energy’s influence.  In one of my sleep/wake states……it is hard to describe, but spirits visit during these times, I felt Martin’s presence.   I saw my farmhouse field, he pointed and said…….She is there, you have her.  I instantly knew why he had come.   I believe under that patch of field lay his mare.   I asked Martin her name, he said Sassy.   I think that is why Martin visits…….to visit the place his friend was put to rest.

I told Martin I would put something special in the field so all who passed would remember her.   He seemed to like that, and left.

I found this statue and ordered it yesterday.   I think it will be just perfect.   I will take care of Sassy and keep a safe place for Martin and the others who wish to visit within my fields and farmhouse.

horseMore Gettysburg ghost tales may be found in my bookbook-cover-the-returning-ones




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“Venus in the Sky” A significant Retrograde begins

A significant Retrograde begins officially March 4th.   Not a Mercury Retrograde, but one of Venus, which happens less frequently.    Venus is the Goddess of love, so of course, we associate her planet namesake in the same way.

Significant matters of the heart that need attention will be her focus.   It will be a time for revisiting past hurts of the heart and purging the wounds of any debris so they can mend.

We will be listening and speaking more from our heart center or chakra during this time, for the emotions of Venus will take precedence.

Keep your heart chakra strong now with the aid of heart gemstones such as rose quartz if you wish love to begin or healing jade if you wish love’s injuries to heal.

Venus has been shining so brilliantly in the sky, letting us see her each night.   She wishes us to see and know her heart, as she wishes all of us to know our own.   This Retrograde will be a time to do so………..

It will be the perfect time to wear one of my little Spirit of Love pins…….keep her above your heart to bring the loving energy of Venus into your life.




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“Memories of the Waldorf”

The Waldorf Astoria in NYC is closing today……..well, closing for rebirth.   In a couple of years, condos will be integrated into its structure….I am sure that address will cost a hefty sum for a condo owner.

A couple of decades ago, my husband and I paid our own hefty sum for a night’s rest at the Waldorf.   Was my room astoundingly beautiful….no.    Was my view of the city stunning……no.    Not from my room at least.   But we were at the Waldorf.   My fondest memory happened in the lobby, not in my room.

I was chatting to my husband when suddenly a stranger flew, not ran by, bumping into me and putting his arms around me to hold both of us up.    Now, this Jersey girl can have a pretty big mouth when someone invades her personal space…….But, somehow, by the grace of the Universe, I first took a moment to gaze at my husband’s eyes……By now, they were approximately the size of saucers.

I slowly turned around, and with his arms still around me, I saw a wordless smile upon Gordon Sumner’s lips.    Who?    Well, you might know him better as Sting.   That may be the only time I didn’t mind my personal space being invaded…..

Back to my room……well, naive as we were, my husband and I thought it might be a good thing to bring some of the assortment of candies in our room back to our young children at home.  Gummy Bears and a varied assortment filled jars for the taking.    No, not for the taking, as we found out when our charge statement came later that month.   We paid a week’s worth of grocery price for those Gummy Bears and M&M’s.

When I heard the iconic Waldorf was closing, I went hunting for those jars.   I had saved a few of them, but twenty years had left only one on the shelf where it has rested for so long.   I am putting it away for safekeeping.   Who knows, maybe on Antiques Roadshow 2099, it will be worth $1,000.   That probably will be equal to my week’s worth of grocery bill back then.    So there, Waldorf, I will finally break even………   🙂

Thanks for stopping by, hope you enjoyed my blog



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“Eating off the Floor” (For those of us who remember Erma Bombeck


This day, 1927 , another one of my favorite writers, Erma Bombeck,  was born….

Not a classical literary icon …….but an icon to housewives all across America……

Her humor and wisdom gave a daily lift to overworked, overstressed, women who could share in Erma’s musings about life as a wife, mother, and daughter…..

My favorite quote resides on my refrigerator……it has found a place of honor there for many, many years……it reminds me of Erma Bombeck; though it originated from the comic mind of  Elayne Boosler; another who shares her gift of humor with the world.

It never ceases to make me laugh when I read it; and also brings a wistfulness to my heart.

My mother was a fastidious housekeeper; she didn’t live long enough to have much time to judge my housekeeping skills, but I remember her visits to my home with her white glove inspections……

I share my home with a menagerie…if I velcroed the vacuum to my hip; there would still be a furball or two to rescue from the corner….when I finish vacuuming, the fur strand brigade is already resuming positions…

Dust…..pet and bird dander I am sure are flying through the air……

When you have pets; there is a compromise in the pristine environment that will never be white glove…..

But, in my mind; passing a white glove test isn’t the happiest requirement in a home.

Back to the quote……

Elayne, thanks for this, and Erma, thanks for each day’s humor that never fades a smile from my face…..

And to my mom; you could eat off her floor……

“My mother used to say, “You can eat off my floor”  “You can eat off my floor too.  There’s thousands of things there.”      Elayne Boosler


So mom, you can eat off mine too…..there is always a stray dog cereal kernel or bird seed lying around…..sometimes trapped in a furball….. I am sure that would bring a smile of understanding to Erma’s face……..

Namaste and Homes filled with Happiness (and maybe furballs),


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The Treasures of Ordinary Days……Celebrating Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day………a day for the chocolatiers and florists and card companies.  But I guess all holidays are like that……
The more holidays I see, the more I see the day, not the holiday.

Ordinary days are the holidays…..the days you wake up and your little corner of the world is fine.   No friends have crossed, no friends are ill, no unexpected events that make an ordinary day not so ordinary anymore.

I love the ordinary days.   If I want a piece of chocolate, I will eat one.   If I want to buy a bouquet of roses at the grocery store, I will bring one home.

Love is shown through all the ordinary days and the unexpected, not so ordinary, ones too.  As I grow older, I have lost too many friends.   I have seen how quickly the ordinary becomes the unexpected.

I shared last Valentine’s Day with Casper…….I never realized that just weeks later, he would be gone from this world.Casper face

Eat that piece of chocolate, buy that rose bouquet…..because it is an ORDINARY day, not Valentine’s Day.   Life is too short to wait for one day in the middle of February to love the ones you love………..

Never feel sorrowful if you don’t have that spouse or date with roses at the door.   Love comes in life in many forms.

Hug your dog if he is your Valentine……some of us find our greatest love with furry, four legged companions.    To some of us, our children are our Valentines…….the greatest creation of love in our worlds.   Volunteer at a place where Valentine’s Day is just an ordinary day of sadness or illness for those who aren’t dreaming of flowers or candy, only of finding peace, a home,  a pat on their furry heard, or wellness on this day.

It’s been one year tomorrow since a very dear friend crossed.   Forever a part of my Valentine’s Day now…….I wish you blessings Renny and blessings to all those you left behind on such a day of love.

I have found my purpose in life is writing stories that bring love and compassion into the ordinary days of readers.   I have four published collections of Fairy Tales, and I am in the process of editing my fifth collection, due out soon.   Flowers fade, candy gives a moment’s pleasure, but one of my Fairy Tale books will be reached for time and time again by those of any age longing for a Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00067]Fairy Tale in their lives.book-cover-youre-never-too-old-for-fairy-talesbook-cover-wolfhoundPageflex Persona [document: PRS0000039_00067]


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